When Someone You Love has an Addiction

When you can be as truthful as possible with yourself about your own enabling behaviors, you can begin to make different choices. This will lead to healthier changes in your addicted loved one as well. For example, you might decide to tell the addict in your life that you will no longer listen to them complain about their lives. However, loving an addict you can let them know that you are very willing to be there for them as soon as they are ready to work on resolving their problems. It has taken certain distressing situations and my asserting boundaries which I have found really difficult in part as my history with relationships has been extremely one-sided towards the man. A blurring of boundaries or even none at all has meant my learnt behaviour has caused me to have a lot of bad situations repetitively occur.

Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction Kindle Edition

I called him and his mum and eventually got a message saying he was sorry he’d hit the pipe and he had run away too ashamed to see me. He’d changed the locks there was a card with ‘Happy Birthday I’m Sorry’. I was devestated I begged him to tell me where he was I went to the crack den I finally found him unable to walk in a shop doorway crying saying he wanted to die.

Learn About Addiction Treatment at Gateway Foundation

• During recovery, help and accountability from friends and loved ones may also be needed.
• He has told me lie after lie and i’m still in a relationship with him.
• It’s among dozens of posts in which young women explain how their participation in groups such as Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous help them manage behavior that feels unhealthy, even harmful.
• Try to maintain your own self-care routines as much as possible.

You may be feeling a constant, gnawing worry that you live with every day. You may find yourself being asked for money often, and feeling guilty if you say no. Perhaps you are watching everything you say and do, in order to “keep peace” in your home and not make the addict angry.

Substance Use Treatment

I tried to help her get treatment but then she would not go. The Salvation Army was going to get her to go to treatment, then she said she wasn’t going to go. She came to see me and I wouldn’t answer the door, because she was probably high.

The fact that someone has started treatment does not mean they have decided to quit. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. In other words, if you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to take care of those around you, either. In some cases, substance use may even make a person unsafe to be around. In other cases, you may simply feel that your involvement is doing more harm than good.

• Or that if you save them enough times, they’ll learn how to save themselves.
• You may have difficulties knowing the symptoms at first.
• I truly hope he gets well and I am praying for him to see the addiction for what it is.
• Practice forgiveness and let go of the past so you can have that new beginning you have all worked toward.
• Without judgment on their behaviors and circumstances.

For example, scolding, nagging, and arguing can be seen as enabling because we’re giving our loved ones a distraction, a reason to believe that we—not the addiction—are the problem. The question of enabling gets downright murky when it comes to deciding whether to allow an addicted child to live at home or when grandchildren are involved. Families facing these and other heart-wrenching situations can benefit from the support of an addiction specialist. For example, a 2023 study examined how love addiction and unhealthy attachments between adults can lead to intense negative emotions and feelings of low self-worth.

First, you will need to separate yourself, both physically and emotionally. During this time, it’s important that you find a strong support system because you will need it. Often loved ones of an addict will participate in a group of other people whose loved ones are an addict. When you do that it can help you move forward in a positive, productive way, and also understand that you’re not alone. During this time you will also need to create a list of things that you know you will have to change as part of your goal of letting go of an addict you love.